I’ve been away from the blog for awhile, as you’ve probably noticed. Even my last 4 posts were really just to buy me time while I sorted my shit out.

I only really write when I’m inspired to write, and over the past 6 months in my life outside of photography – my normal life – has been a big mess. It’s been hard to be inspired.

For those of you who don’t know, photography isn’t my main job. Although I work on it 40 hours a week just like a real job, it’s currently my side hustle and I work on it during my off hours. By day, I’m a User Experience designer. I’ve been designing and leading design of products and experiences for almost a decade now, for companies big and small, domestic and international, fortune 500’s to agencies. I’m passionate about solving problems and creating great experiences for people in products – and I’m far better at design than I am at photography. As you could probably tell, design means a lot to me.

My life in design is also primarily how I decided to structure my life overall. My photography and creator side of me only really exists because my designer, problem solver side exists. Being a creator was born from an ambition to be more whole as a person – problem solver and creative adventurer.

Because of that, when one side of me is failing – when I don’t feel a sense of fulfilment and purpose in the work that I’m doing – the other side has to compensate and ultimately ends up being stressed.

Couple that with all the shit that’s going on with Instagram at the moment, and it’s pretty easy to see why I’ve been focusing my attention elsewhere – and specifically on video – recently.

My life and my head has been in a weird place over the last 6 months. There has been a lot of pain aside from those two avenues that I don’t really want to share publicly, but it’ll suffice to say that I haven’t been that inspired to create at my full potential – let alone write – recently. I feel stagnant. I feel suffocated. I feel guilty for not working as hard as I can in all areas of my life.

I’ve got a book of quotes written down that I love. I add to it always, but only seek its wisdom in times of need. I rediscovered this quote the other day:

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” — Tony Robbins

This… is me right now.

It’s easy to become sedated in the ecstasy of pleasure. Pleasure is energy. You can lose yourself to it, or you can use it. Even more powerful, however, is pain. But again, you can either lose yourself to it – feel sorry for yourself and douse your soul in the comfort of quagmire – or you can use its energy and fire to do something constructive with it. Most of the time we douse ourselves in as much sorrow as we can possibly feel until we realise that no one actually cares or can make a difference except for ourselves. Then we act.

This is where I’m at. Getting out of the shit. Seeking to restructure my life around how I want to live it. Seeking avenues for different forms of self expression.

I feel guilty for leaving my blog unattended for so long, so I’ve renamed my ‘thoughts’ category to ‘journal’ so I can write more. It won’t take up major sections of the site, but it’s there if you want to read these raw entries.

I’ve also been working on developing a purpose for the content I write here. I’ve had a lot of messages from you all about how much this blog has helped you in your journey to becoming a better photographer and also being inspired to travel from it. I love that. I also love the idea of taking you with me – raw thoughts and all – on my journey of developing my creative side and battling with my own neuroses in the creative field – some of which I’m sure we all share – so I think it’ll be around that too.

So, that’s where I’ve been. Dealing with shit. Apologies for the lack of content. I’m working on it.

Hope to be back soon. Thanks for sticking around.

❤️ Pat.